Dr. Tom Murray, an international trainer, educator, and couples and sex therapist, is a widely sought-after expert in sexuality and intimate relationships. He authored the 2022 book, Making Nice with Naughty: An intimacy guide for the rule-following, organized, perfectionist, practical, and color within the line types.
For 20+ years, Murray has worked with everyday folks to embrace their weirdness, shed labels and shame, lean into anxiety, and build better and stronger relationships.
Murray’s doctorate is in marriage and family counseling from the University of Florida. Clinically, he combines a pull-no-punches, no-beating-around-the-bush style. His integrated therapy approach has helped folks quiet the mind-chatter that interferes with happiness, intimacy, and quality sexual relationships.
Dr. Murray has appeared in numerous venues, including the Huffington Post and The Daily Mail, as well as radio, television and podcasts, including the Practice of Being Seen and Shrink Rap Radio. He’s a highly acclaimed presenter at local, regional, and national conferences on various mental health and relationship topics. Dr. Murray has published numerous articles in professional journals and has had faculty affiliations with UNC Greensboro, Walden University, Northwestern University’s Family Institute, and Adler University.
Dr. Murray lives in Greensboro, NC, along with his two sons.
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I very much enjoyed this interview with Dr. Murray, and after listening, considered how controlling in one way or another that I am, as well as how I see this aspect of personality in some others I’m close to. I imagined sharing some of what Dr. Murray said with my adult children, and noticed that I chose the phrase “When we are being more controlling,…”, rather than “If we are the controlling type…”. I think that choice of wording was influenced by his point that different psychological types are not “good” or “bad”, as well as something I’ve learned from experience: that when someone feels labeled in any way, they are more likely to become defensive, which might also lead to their becoming more controlling of their behavior, or the behavior of others.
Thank you Shrink Rap Radio for adding to my life experience!
@Bev. Thanks for taking the time to comment on my interview with Dr. Dave. I love when listeners engage with us. In my book, Making Nice with Naughty, I use the term “overcontrolled” as another way of saying “too much self-control.” Overcontrolling, however, is commonly used when people try to control others’ behavior. This is an important distinction as self-control is often viewed as a virtue while being overcontrolling is quite caustic to relationships. Ultimately, my intention in writing this book was to help those individuals who so often suffer in silence regarding their sexual and intimate relationships because of their psychological rigidity around how the view the world “should be, must be, and has to be.” Again, thank you for taking the time to write and I hope you too are on your path toward making nice with naughty.